wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
