Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
