Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
