Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
