She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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