I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
