'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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