i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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