Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
