he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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