Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
