We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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