My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
