i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
