He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize