Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
