The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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