the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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