god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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