I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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