Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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