I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
