This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
