Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
