i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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