just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
