Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
