Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
