He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize