I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
