Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
