Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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