I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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