Farmville is her only friend.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
