the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize