I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
