no, he came in my armpit
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
