When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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