Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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