I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
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