I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
