oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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