her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
