covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
