PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
