if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
