So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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