I'm so fucking centered right now
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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