No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
