dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
