Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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