Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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