Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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