Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
