Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
