I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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