you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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