Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
