This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We are two peas in an std pod
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
