I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
