My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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