Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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