I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
