Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
