i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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