it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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