the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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