the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize