Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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