the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
