we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
